


Ah Shit, We’re Doing This, Says the Author.

by Anonymous



Category: Death Stranding (Video Games) RPF
Genre: Chair Sex, Crack, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Dacryphilia, Desperation, Exhibitionism, Hand Jobs, I mean what is in character anyways, I’ll see you in hell or something, I’m striving to make this worse, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Nicknames, Office, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Out of Character, Teasing, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?, insanity welcomed me with open arms, oh yeah that’s a thing now, there’a no return from this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:22:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23571547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: I don’t even think I should give this a summary. Read the tags. I am so fucking sorry. What have I done? They don’t deserve this.
Relationships: Kojima Hideo/Shinkawa Yoji
Comments: 12
Kudos: 6
Collections: Anonymous





	1. It’s Just a Meeting. Or Is It?

**Author's Note:**

> So self-isolation and insanity has brought me to this. It is cursed beyond what I can imagine. All for a bit of entertainment, eh?
> 
> I swear to god, if they actually find it, I will just die on the spot, probably. Apologies to all party unwittingly involved. Bless Shinkawa for not having social media, although I do want to see more of his art.
> 
> BEHOLD, GAY EROTICA. REALLY CURSED EROTICA.

The meeting has been going on for two and a half hours, a lot longer than the usual. Yoji Shinkawa should be writing down notes despite his higher position, but he is currently trying his damnedest to not drop his pen on his iPad again, while he continues to suffer relatively quietly because of one Hideo Kojima. 

_ Calm down, you can do this, _ Yoji mentally chants to himself, breathing heavily.  _ You’re better than this. _ Try as he may, he can’t turn off the blush in his face, nor pay attention to anything the current presenter is saying. It’s all white noise, now.

He glares at Hideo, who’s not interested in responding. Shinkawa considers kicking him away, but quickly scraps the idea. It won’t do to startle the others. There are major consequences after all, if they find out. Can’t put his hand under the table without people noticing either. The best option for now, is to do nothing about his predicament.

So, how  _ did _ he get here? Let’s rewind time for a bit, shall we?

~

Everything was “normal” until an hour ago. Just another scheduled meeting to discuss merchandise. Everyone had some wonderful ideas, and Yoji was tasked to design a few of them. Kojima however, had more complaints than he usually would, and dragged the meeting length longer by brute force.

Whenever someone proposed anything, there’d always be something he’d nitpick on. The weight of a necklace, how soft a t-shirt should be, even the length of a towel. Those were not his common complaints, and he’s usually less of an asshole. Understandably, the energy of the room had gone down the drain quickly.

Shinkawa checked the time on his tablet. It’d been an hour since the meeting started, and the end was so, so far away. He looked at Hideo, and he’s not doing that much better, although the signs of it were small. His posture was stiff, despite the impression of being relaxed. The constantly changing position of his arms, and the endless finger tapping. His leg won’t stop bouncing, too.

He was stressed, but also had too much unused energy, so he lashed out by nitpicking.

Trying to soothe his restlessness, Yoji sneaked his left hand under the table, placed it lightly on Hideo’s knee and pushed it down. Hopefully the message was sent with that.  _ Please, stop moving and calm yourself down, yeah? _

That was the first mistake he made during this meeting.

The bouncing stopped, Yoji took away his hand, and all was good for a while. Until Hideo decided to return the favor.

He laid his hand on his thigh this time. Shinkawa simply crossed his legs to get rid of it, and glared at him.  _ Not now. _

The glare was the second mistake he made during this meeting.

Hideo was still listening, but there were less quips. Yoji sighed in relief, which turned into a gasp, as he felt something running over his thigh. It did not feel like a hand, and Kojima got his arms above the table. He took a peak beneath, and re-crossed his legs, mildly irritated.  _ No hands doesn’t mean you can use your legs, either. _

That didn’t seem to discourage him. In fact, it backfired, and Hideo was dead set on making him lose composure. He leaned in closer subtly, and continued on. Teased along his thigh, and creeped upwards ever so slowly. 

Yoji couldn’t lean away, or he would’ve bumped into the person next to him. Crossing his legs had also became more uncomfortable as time went on, especially in jeans. He needed both of his hands. 

Out of options, Yoji lifted his knee up swiftly, and it smacked right against the table. He hoped that he didn’t wince, but apparently he did, because the others stopped with concern. “Shinkawa, are you alright?” “Do you need something?”

Hideo had a concerned expression too, but he can see that glint of mischief behind it. He gestured vaguely, “Yeah, I’m fine. Please, continue.”

Shinkawa was not fine. The knee still hurt, and Kojima was doing  _ that thing _ again, right against his crotch, just two fingers barely touching it. Worse, he really couldn’t do anything about it. Even worse, he was getting turned on by the idea of it, and it was very distracting.

~

Yoji didn’t get much time for himself, with all the work he got. He’s pent up, just never dealt with it. These days, he’s either too exhausted to to anything when he got home, or he’s traveling with Hideo, which means jet lag. He jacked off in the hotel bathroom once, but it wasn’t satisfying. Besides, taking too much time in the shower was rude, as he shared a room with him in almost every trip.  _ That _ was a nightmare on its own, no matter how much he loved him.

~

Light touches suddenly turned into groping, and Yoji had to swallow down a moan. He really wanted to buck up against Kojima’s hand, but he couldn’t. The blush on his face was building, and his breathing was beyond unsteady. A hand to his balls, and he dropped his pen, curled over the table with a noise.  _ Shit. _

Hideo retracted his hand with lightning speed, and the room went silent. Colleagues in the room gave a look at each other, then all eyes were on him. “Are you feeling well?” “You sure you can continue?”

They didn’t know, or they’re polite enough to not mention it. He calmed his breath, and mustered up a reply, “I’m good, I’m good. I just got distracted.” That wasn’t a lie, really.

Kojima had the audacity to ask, “Do you want to take a walk outside, Shinkawa-San?”

“No no no, I’m fine. I’m just a bit exhausted, is all.” Again, He is nowhere near fine. The door was too far away for him to walk out without anyone noticing the tent in his pants. He’s given the thing he needed most in the worst time possible, and now he was denied access to it.

“Please, do continue.”

~

That, was how he got here. Yoji is barely holding himself up, now. His notes are ruined, but he doesn’t have the hand-eye coordination to even press the undo button. Groping turned into the closest thing to a hand job, without opening the zipper. His legs uncrossed themselves at some point, as it’s getting too uncomfortable. 

It’s becoming more and more difficult for Shinkawa to hold in his moans, but he’s trying.

It’s pain, it’s pleasure, it never ends. One moment he’s getting close, but in another there’s nothing. He feels ready to smash his head onto the table, and the only thing stopping him from doing so, is that it’s rude to do so.

To others, he just looks like he have severe stomach pain. Curling up onto himself with labored breathing, and the occasional moaning from pain. It’s way better or way worse than that, depending on how you look at it.

Kojima’s reaction doesn’t help either. He’s actually still listening, and dishing out improvements on some ideas instead of nitpicking, as if he’s not giving someone a hand job under the table. 

Resigned, Shinkawa lays his head on the table, and buried it in his arms, not even trying to look at people anymore. He’d be lucky if he get through this alive.

~

At some point, the meeting was over. Yoji isn’t sure about exactly when, but everyone just sort of disappeared from the room. The torturing touches stopped too. He survived.

Lifting up his head, he finds a note, a glass of water, and some pain meds. Terribly kind of his colleagues to bring him medicine, and a note too.

Not sure what to do with the pills as he’s not actually in pain, Yoji swallows them down anyways with the water. Picking up the note, he reads the message properly.

_ A talk in my office, when you’re ready. _

It’s obvious who it’s from, even without a signature. He is not mentally ready for that yet, but he’ll have to be. Calming down his breath, he checks his pants one last time, and walks out the meeting room.


	2. Into the Office, Ahoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s what you think it is. Read the tags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added more tags, PLEASE READ THEM, THANK YOU. To all innocent personnel, please GET TF OUT NOW, YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS HORRIFIC THING. 
> 
> Procrastination is a wonderful thing for my mind, but horrible for time management. Oh well. It’s here now, to the person who wanted this for some reason. 
> 
> If you try hard enough, anything’s a self-insert.
> 
> I need another word to replace “cursed”, as this is way beyond that, now. “Damned”, perhaps.

By the time Shinkawa leaves the room, the office is practically empty. There are only about three people left at the back, but all the others are gone. _I don’t remember it being this late,_ he muses. 

The door to Kojima’s office is already open when Yoji arrives. Hideo looks to be working, typing something. He barely steps into the office, and Hideo calls out to him without looking up.

“Come in, Shinkawa-San. Close the door on your way in, please.”

Yoji complies, albeit rightfully skeptical. Kojima rarely closes the door to his office, only when he is working alone on something extremely important, and never with someone else in the room. Usually, _he_ is the “someone else”.

A long awkward silence later, Yoji clears his throat. “Hey, is there something you want to talk about?”

The man in question holds up his hand as his turns off his computer, and finally looks at him. “Yes, of course.” Hideo stands up from his chair and pulls it out. “Take a seat, please.”

Shinkawa nods, and sits on the swivel chair. He swears he can find something predatory in Kojima’s eyes, but It’s gone just as quickly. The chair spins and comes to an abrupt stop when Hideo leans in and grab the armrests, bracketing him in. Yoji turns his head to gauge his surroundings, to small success. At least the back of the chair is facing the door.

When he looks back toward Hideo, he’s met with a deep, intense gaze. Shinkawa finds himself swallowing nothing, as an invisible force pin him down. Their height gap isn’t that big, but he feels way tinier than usual.

After Kojima looked his fill, his head closes in for Yoji’s neck, who tilts away automatically to provide space. Yoji can feel his breath on his neck, and his heartbeat hammers on. Hideo then clambers onto the chair, straddling him as he whispers into Shinkawa’s ear, a finger lightly tracing his collarbone. “You behaved so well for me back in the meeting,” A hand lands on his thigh, teasing up its way to his belt, unbuckling it.

“Don’t you deserve a reward for that, _Shin-Chan_?”

_Fuck._ That’s all it takes for his blood to rush down south. The nickname crumbled, no, _shattered_ his defenses, and Yoji is reminded of his torturous experience back in the meeting room. The effort put into calming himself down is all for nothing. He’s hyperventilating, head leaning as far back as possible, hands on his knees in a death grip.

Kojima’s hand moves from his belt to cup his dick, “I’m waiting.”

Shinkawa’s hips grinds into his hand once with a moan, but forces himself to stop. People are still out there, and a glass wall doesn’t hide anything. Hideo seems dissatisfied, and pushes his hand firmly against his already hard erection. “C’mon. Answer me.”

Incapable of speech, he lets out a whine with another involuntary buck of his hips, which Hideo takes as a good enough answer. He opens up the poor man’s jeans, and holds a palm up in front of his face. “Spit.”

Somehow Yoji misunderstood the command and licks it instead, and Kojima lets out a pained hiss. Palm licking devolved into finger sucking, and Hideo pulls out his hand before they got too far away from his original goal. He helps Shinkawa shimmy his pants down enough to pull out his cock, and starts a slow pace with his hand.

The man beneath him is already a wreck, now. Shinkawa’s holding onto his last thread of self-control, whines and moans gradually getting louder. His eyes are glazed, not looking at anything in particular. He grinds against the hand unevenly, trying to not blow his load too quickly. The concept of people walking flew out of his mind, some time ago.

He could’ve used his hands to help, but he forgot their existence long ago, and they are no more than decoration. _Pathetic._

Kojima takes pity in him, and speeds up. “Keep it quiet, and I’ll let you finish. Don’t want others to come in, now do you?”

Yoji takes a second before his nods, he’ll do anything. Problem is, he just can’t keep his voice down. Kojima, _that bastard,_ knows he is loud. He’s making it difficult purposefully. Because of it, just right before he can go over the edge, Hideo clamps a hand down on his mouth, and holds the base of his dick tightly, brutally stopping him.

Shinkawa lets out a frustrated noise. He’s trying not to cry, but he’s already doing it actually, eyes tightly shut with tears flowing out. There’s no holding it in. He wants to throw a fit, but he’s too tired to. _An hour of teasing non stop, and you take this away from me. Why? Why are you doing this!? Let me cum you SON OF A-_

What he didn’t notice is the muffled groan from Hideo, and the hand on his cock is gone. He pulled down his own pants with one hand, and is jacking himself off. When Shinkawa notices this, it clicked in his muddled mind. He whines louder, doesn’t try to hold back his tears anymore, and remembers his hands’ existence, clawing at Hideo’s back.

That gets him a bite with a snarl on his neck, as Hideo’s hand finally returns to his neglected, almost painful cock, starting again at a quick place. Mouth still muffled by hand, Yoji moans in relief, head thrown backwards in bliss. _Finally._

“C’mon Shin-Chan, cum for me. You know you want to." With that, it doesn’t take much for him to go over the edge with a yell. His sweater is ruined, there can be people out there, but he’s beyond caring about anything. Yoji is aware that Hideo is slow-grinding on his thigh, but he’s boneless now. The hand on his face has gone to his shoulder, and he takes time for himself to breathe, wiping his eyes with his forearm. He’s too old for this.

After Yoji cleared his head into coherence, it’s about time that he deal with the other mess on top of him. Hideo’s got his head buried into his shoulder, breathing heavily. His hip is more so twitching than grinding, in valiant effort to hold himself back. Yoji can feel a hint of teeth on his neck, but nothing that’ll leave a mark. Poor guy. That won’t do. 

Craning his neck backwards to check if there are any people outside, Shinkawa taps Kojima’s shoulder to get his attention. “Oi, over here.” No response. Another two, harder taps. “You there? Come on, now.” Nothing. Yoji tilts his head, eye-rolling and sighs in exasperated fondness. 

After a moment of contemplation, he sneaks his hand down, and cups Hideo’s erection, pushing hard against it. That got his attention. “Look at me. Here.” Kojima lifts his head up, and Shinkawa looks his face over. His hair is tousled, with sweat. His expression is murderous, but with a hint of desperation, pupil dilated. The idiot still have his glasses on, skewed on his face.

Yoji fixes the position of his glasses, but doesn’t remove it. His unoccupied hand goes to pat the other man’s back, for comfort. “Hey, thanks for that. About time I return the favor, hmm?” He makes sure to lean in and lower his voice, “Right, _director?_ ”

Hideo stopped breathing, then growls deep from his throat, shoulders relaxing. Yoji smiles at himself, satisfied. _He’s taking the bait._ For some extra encouragement, he leans in for a quick kiss, and pushes lightly at his shoulder. “Gotta let me off the chair first, alright? It won’t take long, I promise.” 

Kojima seems reluctant, but eventually gets off the chair and covers himself up to the best of his ability, ducking away to a corner. Yoji cleans himself up and tucks himself back into his jeans, then straighten himself up. He points at the chair, then walks towards the door. Hideo whines, and Shinkawa shushes him.

“I’m not leaving. Sit on the chair, back towards the door.” Looking out the glass wall, he finds not a single soul in sight. The lights are off, except for the room they’re in. Perfect.

He goes to turn the room’s light off too, but Hideo makes a protesting noise before he can. Shinkawa just shrugs, and walks back towards the chair, where the man is sitting with legs spread open. Unexpectedly, he pulls Yoji in for a French kiss, chair almost bumping into the shelf full of his collected goods, impatient. Shinkawa pulls away and pats his thigh, before kneeling down on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think to some people, there’s no bigger crime than stopping the story, right now. I know. That ain’t gonna stop me, though. MUAHAHAHA, procrastination strikes back! 
> 
> I don’t even know if I want to write another chapter of this. It’s exhausting to write any kind of erotica, as it turns out. There are just so many... limbs.
> 
> There’s a lot of crying in Death Stranding. Pretty much everyone cries at lease once. I wonder why.
> 
> Twitter brought me to a new person today, an “official” Kojima yumejoshi. How interesting. Maybe there’s an appeal to him? Oh well, he have nice glasses, I guess.
> 
> Stay strong, stay safe, the usual.


	3. At Long Last, Or Something.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If they are actually alone, it wouldn’t be entertaining now, would it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About what, Ten? Twelve days later, I’m done with it.
> 
> Procrastinated for a week, wrote the thing, literally forgot to post it for a few days, and here we are.
> 
> I don’t know what to think about the fact that my brain erased this from my memory to preserve my long gone sanity, or it remembered this to throw said sanity three times out the window.
> 
> Hey, at least it’s done, now.

As he settles himself down on the floor, Shinkawa can feel a stare trying to burn itself on his head. For some reason, there’s a sense of anxiety building in him. It’s just a blowjob, and not even close to the first time he’s done it. Perhaps the first time in the office, but still. No one’s here. 

He lightly circles his hand around Hideo’s erection, and gives it a quick pump. Hideo doesn’t make any noise, but he jerks forward roughly, leaking like he had an infinite supply.  _ He’s not going to last long, with that. _

Yoji takes a deep breath, and puts his mouth around it to start a quick pace. For all that power and control he put on during any other time, Kojima is surprisingly weak to a well-done blowjob. 

Shinkawa makes sure to lick on the underside and suck on the tip occasionally with a hint of teeth, which rips out a desperate whine from above along with a few harsh humps into his mouth. Yoji doesn’t choke, just moves with it while giving his balls a teasing fondle with his fingers. Hideo lets out a snarl, pulls Yoji’s head in and starts fucking into it, head lolling back with restraints torn off.

Shinkawa tries his best to swallow around him without choking, and uses his hand to reach what he can’t fit into his mouth. He can tell Hideo is close, and he’s trying to speed it up as much as possible. The sooner Hideo is done, the sooner Yoji can go home and the less his knees will complain the next morning. The wooden floor is only ever so comfortable.

Right when Yoji braces himself for the inevitable, prepared to swallow down cum when required, his head is forcefully pulled away, hair tangled in Kojima’s hand. With this angle, he’s forced to look up at Hideo, whose eyes are looking him over like a predator. That sends a almost painful jolt of arousal down Yoji’s spine, and he mentally stomps down the moan bubbling in his throat.  _ Fuck. He knows what the hair-tugging does to him, that bastard. _

Yoji shouldn’t have listened to Hideo’s pleads to keep the longer hair. He should’ve just shaved his head the last time he went to the barber.

While Yoji regrets his past decisions, both takes a moment to breathe, to recollect their thoughts. Hideo then moved his hand from Shinkawa’s hair to his cheeks, smoothing it with his thumb before moving again to Yoji’s chin, holding his head in place. Shinkawa swallows down nothing, suddenly nervous. Kojima clears his throat,

“Slower this time, and hands on your back.” There is no “please”, but it’s in his eyes.

The hand goes back to Yoji’s hair, just softly petting this time. Shinkawa sighs, and put his hands on his back, defeated by the puppy eyes. Hideo’s in [that] mood, and he’s not bothered enough to put up a fight over a blowjob.

Hideo’s erection flagged a little during their break, but Yoji is not particularly concerned. He scoots forward, and licks the slit throughly at a snail’s pace. A quick glance upwards, and he can see Hideo biting his lip, struggling to breathe, stifling a moan. Yoji continues to explore every inch in a glacial pace, teasing the underside with just the tip of his tongue, and Kojima’s grip in his hair grows tighter accompanied by a frustrated growl, trying to push his head in further. How hypocritical.

A wave of mischievous satisfaction settles on Shinkawa’s shoulder, as he hums around the length, fighting the pressure on his head. He is content to explore just the top half, for the foreseeable future. He doesn’t care about his knees tomorrow, when there’s revenge to be had. Oh, how the tables have turned, and Hideo even asked for it. He brought it onto himself.  _ Karma’s a bitch. _

Suddenly, there’s a knock on the glass door. Both freeze like a deer in headlights, waiting. Another two knocks. “Anyone in there?” It’s the janitor. Damn it.

Yoji tries to pull his head out, but Hideo’s hand overpowers him, holding it in place. Without missing a beat, Hideo replies in a composed manner, “I’m here, yes.” The hand pats on his head, signaling for Yoji to continue, and so he does, but not without a purpose.

“Heard some banging and clattering, you doing alright in there?” The janitor calls, concerned. 

“Everything is fine. I- I knocked onto my shelf, is all. It’s fine.” The grip on Yoji’s hair twists in just the right way, and he almost choked on nothing.

“Alright, alright. Ay, is Shinkawa-San still in the office? His lights are still on, but I don’t see him around.” Yoji curses in his brain. He forgot to turn off his own lights. Idiotic. No matter. Revenge is at hand.

“He went home for the night, just, he forgot to turn his lights off.” Hideo is still too coherent. That won’t do. Shinkawa continues his slow pace, but unexpectedly swallows Hideo down to the hilt in a quick flash. “I’ll  _ ah- _ talk to him tomorrow.” 

“His stuff is still in his office! Also, are you sure you’re alright? That sounded painful. Do you need help? You want me to come in?”

Without permission, Yoji speeds up the best he can with the lack of his hands, and he can feel Hideo’s dick twitch, precum flooding his taste buds. “I-  _ fuck _ \- I’m good. Abso-  _ hnn- _ lutely wonderful. No need to- no need to come in. He’s probably i-in bathroom.”

“I just finished cleaning the bathroom, and he’s not in it. You sure you’re doing good?”

Another swallow down the hilt from Yoji, and Hideo clamps his teeth on his unoccupied fist, muffling a moan while he thrusts minutely into the heat, speechless. Yoji smiles in his heart, thriving in his victory. However, that triumph is short lived. 

Another few frantic knocks on the door. “OI. Still alive in there? Hellooooo?”

Kojima grits his teeth, punctuating each word with a quick thrust. “I’m. FINE.”

The janitor seems to have given up on them. “Aye. Hurry and finish up your business. I ain’t got time for this.” With that, the janitor walks off to somewhere else, and Yoji feels the crash of adrenaline rushing down south to his groin. Thankfully, his cock just twitches, and makes no effort for a new erection.

Hideo on the other hand, is a different story entirely. He’s no longer human, just a savage with clothes on. He devolved into an animal, mindlessly chasing pleasure, growling and moaning without a care in the world. Yoji thinks Kojima is going to tear his hair out with how hard he’s tugging at it, and he gave up on doing anything with his mouth a while ago, letting his jaw hang loose, eyes turning watery again. There’s no stopping Hideo when he’s like this, and it’s secretly a big turn on for Yoji too.

Somehow, Hideo gathered enough brain cells together to frantically repeat like a broken record, “Look at me, come on, look up, look at me,  _ please, just once- _ “

Shocked by the use of “Please” by the man above him, Yoji looks right into his eyes without thinking, although he can’t see anything clearly, tears muddling his sight. Hideo lets out a pained whine at the display, and pushes Shinkawa’s head all the way in. Yoji chokes at the sudden intrusion, and that’s the trigger for Kojima to cum down his throat with a muffled yell. 

Yoji tried swallowing everything down to keep the mess to a minimum, but it’s impossible under the circumstances. Out of exhaustion, Yoji leans backwards and sits on the floor, breathing deeply with hands holding him up on the back. Before he can think of wiping his mouth, Hideo gets out of the chair and stumbles forward for a kiss, cleaning whatever mess is on his lips along the way. 

With a moan of protest, Shinkawa pushes against Hideo’s chest, and shuffled backwards. “Hey, enough of that.”

Eventually, they rearrange themselves and sit across each other, cross-legged. There is only peace and quiet. It breaks when both decided to speak at the same time.

“Can we do that again sometime?” “We’re never doing this ever again.”

“Oh c’mon, that was fun,” Hideo whines with a playful nudge. “you had fun too, right?”

“That was fun for  _ you, _ but not for me.” Yoji pokes at Hideo’s glasses accusingly. “If you ever do that again in a meeting, I’ll leave this company for good.” Hideo tries to interrupt, but Shinkawa holds up a hand to shut him up. “We both know we’re too old for this. Especially you, old man.” He flicks Hideo’s forehead with his fingers, and crosses his arms. Yoji liked it a lot actually, but he can’t encourage this behavior.

Hideo moves to sit next to Shinkawa, and cling to him, head on Yoji’s shoulder. “Aww, don’t leave me here alone. How about this, I’ll make any game you want, after we’re done with this one.” Yoji turns his head away from him, suppressing a smile.

Far from discouraged, Kojima moves in further to hold him like a koala would to a tree. “You like drawing mechs? Let’s make a game about that. We can have as many as you want, and you get to design as many as you’d like. How does that sound, hmmm?” 

He leans in close to whisper, “ _ Shin-Chan? _ ”

Before Yoji can break character and giggle, he smacks right on top of Kojima’s head, and moves away to stand up with support courtesy to the office table, legs unsteady. “We can talk about it when you have some decency to zip yourself back up, pervert.” Feeling the strain on his throat, Yoji coughs into his elbow a few times. “Don’t make me talk in the next meeting. I’m taking your cough drop stash.”

~

The janitor is mopping the floor when Shinkawa is packing up. Kojima already left, and turned his own office’s light off. “Sure took you a long while in the bathroom, huh?” 

Shinkawa replies politely, “Yeah, sorry about that. Thank you for your hard work, I’ll see you next time.”

When the janitor is finally left alone, they sneer at themselves.  _ In the bathroom, my ass, _ they muse as they dunk the mop into the bucket. They were in the  _ empty _ bathroom when they had their smoking break, and it stayed that way when they walked out and towards Kojima’s office.

Doesn’t help that they could see an extra pair of legs kneeling under the table in said office, through the  _ transparent _ glass wall. Screwing with those two was entertaining, to be honest. It was the highlight of their day.

The janitor wrings the mop before they continue mopping the office.  _ They don’t get paid enough for this. _

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... there’s that. What’s next, Gay self insert porn? *shrugs* Oh well. We’ll see about that. 
> 
> I edit none of what I write. Somehow, it’s still readable. I have no idea how this got more than ten clicks in the first place. WTF is wrong with you people. I don’t care that it’s hypocritical, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
> 
> Gender neutral janitor. They don’t get paid enough. The janitor always knows, and always pay your janitor. I am the janitor.
> 
> Saw the Cliff nendoroid today. I want one. Weirdly enough, it actually looks like a cute version of Mads Mikkelsen, which both amaze me and terrify me.
> 
> Leave a comment, why the fuck not?

**Author's Note:**

> Do I continue this? Should I continue this? I don’t know. Would anyone actually read it if I do continue this? I don’t know. Let me know, maybe.
> 
> It was weirder than writing a Reader fic, for some reason. Oh well, it’s crack so...
> 
> Is it in character? Then again, what is in character for these poor souls, anyways? All I got was a CP in five minutes chart and short interviews.
> 
> Leave a comment, why not? I’ve got nothing else to do other than replying, so.


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